tips that keep us moving along...[Marriage]

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

in



I'm no marriage expert, but I have picked up a few things during our 9.5 years of marriage that help keep us moving along when life isn't always rainbows and butterflies. :)






1. Put your marriage first, always. We put our relationship above our children's. Yes, you heard me right. As life gets more abundantly joyful and fruitful (and crazy) with children, spousal relationship can easily be neglected but not intentionally. Our first daughter was born a month after our first wedding anniversary and we quickly got busy with raising a baby in our newlywed life. It was all a blissful time and a busy time, and we also fell guilty of neglecting our own time together of being a couple out of exhaustion from being parents all day, not really having a babysitter, etc. But, I think after the second child, I realized how important it was to reconnect not only for our sake, but also for our kids. When we love God first and then each other, we are also loving our children to our fullest potential because they find security and stability in seeing their parents love each other. Every time Mike and I say something sweet to each other, I always catch the girls giggling and smiling. Its good for us and its even better for them.



2. Carefully communicating when disagreeing. Arguing is fine in a marriage, in fact its acceptable and should happen. I've been blessed to have parents who witness a strong marriage to me. I remember as a little girl one day when they are were arguing and I said to them "stop arguing" and my mom instantly looked at me and assured me that its okay when adults argue and that everything is fine. That being said, when arguing be very very very careful about words, and bite your tongue if you need to. ;) Words are so powerful and so make sure you think twice or thrice before saying something you might regret. I've learned that when Mike and I apologize after arguing one of the first things we always say to each other is that we didn't mean what we said. Its always those irrational emotions in the moment that can make you say the meanest things. I'm still learning this one as I type it out myself.

Also because I feel like Kathleen Kelly and Joe Fox can give us so many life lessons, I'll leave you with this quote: " I was able, for the first time in my life to say the exact thing I wanted to say at the exact moment I wanted to say it. And, of course, afterwards, I felt terrible, just as you said I would. I was cruel, and I'm never cruel." I feel like I can write a whole other blog post about some life lessons I'm learning from these two.



3. Free. Love is free and there is free will in it. Mike and I are for the most of the time pretty chill people and things don't usually bother us too much. But, every now and then there are things that aren't perfect and bother us. We talk about it but at the end, our decisions are always free for one another. We don't try to control one another nor change one another. You can't change someone nor control someone, but when your love for your spouse is greater it makes changing habits or vices a lot easier.



4. Kindness, Gratitude, and Appreciation: I think this is self explanatory but it is something that is huge and it never goes unnoticed. These three huge things practiced in so many little ways daily can change your day and lifetime with your spouse. :) I always appreciate the way Mike thinks of me before him, especially when brewing the first cup of coffee in the morning for me. When we moved a few months ago, our dedicated Keurig coffee machine broke so since then we've been making our daily cup of grind with our Moka pot. We love the taste even more, but we can only brew one cup at a time. In the mornings when there wasn't enough hours of sleep during the night, theres nothing like saying "i love you" and serving another like brewing the others cup of coffee before yours. Right? So grateful for that one. Another huge thing that I can think of is chores. We share the task of doing household chores, we just do them when we can and trade off. I'll fold Mike's laundry and he always thanks me for them. It really is no big deal but he notices that I did it and appreciates me for it. I always get so confused when he thanks me for the little things like that, but i love that he appreciates it.





Hope these little tips that help us will help you too. Also if you have any tips, I'd love to hear them! :) The more the "marrier", hahaha. :) (so cheesy, i know).

*For those of you who are wondering, we got married at the San Juan Capistrano Mission
*We also had a Korean tea ceremony at our reception, hence the last picture of us wearing the traditional Korean "Han bok"





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